soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize