Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
