The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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