I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
