True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
