when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
