My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
