fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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