The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
