So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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