I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize