If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize