So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
