I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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