so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize