If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
