Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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