rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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