my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
