her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
