I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
