and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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