If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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