I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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