I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
