Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
