Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I believe in your delicious
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
