Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
