He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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