DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my shit smells like andre
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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