you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
