now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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