I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
