What did we do last night that was yellow?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
