If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
