why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
