I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
