I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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