I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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