he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
