is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
