If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
