You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
