It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
