Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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