I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
