I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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