i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize