Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
