so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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