id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
