MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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