He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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