just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
