I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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