You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
