We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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