If i come over, it means nothing
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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