I can't breathe out the right side of my face
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think your dad took our porno
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
