Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
