What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
