Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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