What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
