she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
